THE SCARY TWADDLE OF A PRIME AND MODERN MINISTER

Hello, and welcome to a special edition of The Autolycan.

The Gilbert and Sullivan Trump clearly hit a chord with a few people - on both sides of the Atlantic - and thank you for all the kind comments.  Unfortunately though we are not without our troubles on this side of the water and in a spirit of even handedness I thought I should have a go at what W. S. Gilbert might have made of it all.  Normally I like to take a day or two to allow time to revise these writings a bit, but on this occasion I thought I'd better publish it straight away - God knows what the situation will be in a couple of days' time!  Feel free to add your own verse!

Hope you like it - please pass it on if you do.

THE SCARY TWADDLE OF A PRIME AND MODERN MINISTER

PRIME MINISTER

I am the very model of a Prime and modern Minister,

Apologies to those of you who find that rather sinister.

I've orders from the riff raff and the plebs and proletariat

To wave two fingers rudely at the Euro Commissariat.

My Cabinet is blended in a mix that's wholly caution-ate,

Though thickos, snakes and weasels are now wholly disproportionate.

They want me gone, I know they do, they haven't got a bloody prayer

I'll kick their arses all the way from Cromarty to Finisterre!

ALL

She'll kick their arses all the way from Cromarty to Finisterre!

PRIME MINISTER

I've dashed all over Europe in a frenzy of activity,

But met with frozen smiles and disbelief and negativity.

And when I bring my deal to our ancient, hallowed H of C

I might as well rely upon Feng Shui and astrology.

The Cabinet has trapped me in a blind and hopeless cul-de-sac

Then turned on one another like a hundred ferrets in a sack;

With Leadsom, Hunt and Grayling there I wonder who needs enemies,

If I'd my way I'd give the bloody lot of them lobectomies!

ALL

If she'd her way she'd give the bloody lot of them lobectomies!

PRIME MINISTER

There's Boris lying low like some nefarious accessory,

I don't know why his parents didn't use a better pessary.

I'd gladly find a place in an Antarctic penitentiary

For the Honourable Member for the middle eighteenth century!

There's not a single one of them who's better than reptilian,

It's up to me to try to sound a little bit Churchillian!

ALL

It's up to her to try to sound a little bit Churchillian!

PRIME MINISTER

I've had a lackey working through the text of all those speeches

But I find I've naught to offer but to fight them on the beaches.

Or put things off for months of pointless arguments and tussles

Which is not a proposition that will woo the lads in Brussels.

This Brexit thing has now become calamity and tragedy,

Perhaps I'd better bugger off and leave it to Her Majesty!

ALL

Perhaps she'd better bugger off and leave it to Her Majesty!