THE SCARY TWADDLE OF A PRIME AND MODERN MINISTER

Hello, and welcome to a special edition of The Autolycan.

The Gilbert and Sullivan Trump clearly hit a chord with a few people - on both sides of the Atlantic - and thank you for all the kind comments.  Unfortunately though we are not without our troubles on this side of the water and in a spirit of even handedness I thought I should have a go at what W. S. Gilbert might have made of it all.  Normally I like to take a day or two to allow time to revise these writings a bit, but on this occasion I thought I'd better publish it straight away - God knows what the situation will be in a couple of days' time!  Feel free to add your own verse!

Hope you like it - please pass it on if you do.

THE SCARY TWADDLE OF A PRIME AND MODERN MINISTER

PRIME MINISTER

I am the very model of a Prime and modern Minister,

Apologies to those of you who find that rather sinister.

I've orders from the riff raff and the plebs and proletariat

To wave two fingers rudely at the Euro Commissariat.

My Cabinet is blended in a mix that's wholly caution-ate,

Though thickos, snakes and weasels are now wholly disproportionate.

They want me gone, I know they do, they haven't got a bloody prayer

I'll kick their arses all the way from Cromarty to Finisterre!

ALL

She'll kick their arses all the way from Cromarty to Finisterre!

PRIME MINISTER

I've dashed all over Europe in a frenzy of activity,

But met with frozen smiles and disbelief and negativity.

And when I bring my deal to our ancient, hallowed H of C

I might as well rely upon Feng Shui and astrology.

The Cabinet has trapped me in a blind and hopeless cul-de-sac

Then turned on one another like a hundred ferrets in a sack;

With Leadsom, Hunt and Grayling there I wonder who needs enemies,

If I'd my way I'd give the bloody lot of them lobectomies!

ALL

If she'd her way she'd give the bloody lot of them lobectomies!

PRIME MINISTER

There's Boris lying low like some nefarious accessory,

I don't know why his parents didn't use a better pessary.

I'd gladly find a place in an Antarctic penitentiary

For the Honourable Member for the middle eighteenth century!

There's not a single one of them who's better than reptilian,

It's up to me to try to sound a little bit Churchillian!

ALL

It's up to her to try to sound a little bit Churchillian!

PRIME MINISTER

I've had a lackey working through the text of all those speeches

But I find I've naught to offer but to fight them on the beaches.

Or put things off for months of pointless arguments and tussles

Which is not a proposition that will woo the lads in Brussels.

This Brexit thing has now become calamity and tragedy,

Perhaps I'd better bugger off and leave it to Her Majesty!

ALL

Perhaps she'd better bugger off and leave it to Her Majesty!

THE PIRATE OF PEN-RANTS

Hello

Yes, I know it's been a long time since I posted anything on here - so long in fact that I've almost forgotten how!  I'll try to get back into the swing of it.

But a headline in the New Yorker piqued my interest, and for some reason put me in mind of Gilbert and Sullivan.........

Hope you like it, and please pass it on if you do!

THE PIRATE OF PEN-RANTS

DONALD TRUMP, PIRATE-IN-CHIEF

                                                                              The New Yorker                                           

When a President's engaged in his employment

Surrounded by his sycophantic clans,

His capacity for nepotist deployment

Exceeds by far the average honest man's.

A simple clicking of my tiny fingers,

And a member of my family's preferred,

And though the smell of shadiness still lingers

Objections won't be entertained or heard.

I've Jared and Ivanka and young Donald in my court

Not one of them an honest artisan,

So for discipline and dominance perhaps I really ought..........

To make Stormy Daniels leading courtesan.

Ahhhhh....

When venality and graft and shady dealing's to be done

The Commander's lot is such a happy one!

When a candidate with zero imperfections

But a wearisome opponent he must quell,

He must make sure he somehow wins elections

No matter what the lies he has to tell.

The stupid Dems put up this crooked dame,

So I'll hound her all the way from a to zee,

And I'll toss out streams of bile and dirt and blame,

Then lock her up and throw away the key.

And the country's being flooded by a sea of crooks and thieves

And all they know is steal and kill and brawl,

And it really doesn't matter whether anyone believes me..........

When I say we're gonna have to build a wall.

Ahhhhh...

When boorishness and oafishness and cheating's to be done

The Commander's lot's a really happy one!

I'm the fittest man who's ever been your leader,

I'm tough and smart and oh so devious.

And anyone who labels me 'non-reader'.......

You're dealing with a stable genius.

I've done more in months than any man before me.

My achievements shine and sparkle such a treat,

So, you'd better get the message and adore me

Or I'll vilify and trash you with a tweet.

So, shameful but unchallenged, I am free to make the weather,

Why I'm still the boss is quite beyond my ken,

So you'd better shout and yell and rage and get your act together...........

Or you're gonna find I'm voted in again.

Ahhhh....

When getting rid of conmen or of tyrants must be done

The Commander's lot is NOT a happy one!