THE BALLAD OF NIGEL FARAGE

Hi

A shorter than usual Autolycan this month.  I've been on holiday and doubted whether I'd get round to writing one at all.  But when Great Events occur, serious political commentators are duty bound to offer serious political analysis.  So  I hope you enjoy this, and will feel free to pass it on to others if you do.  Here then is:
  

THE BALLAD OF NIGEL FARAGE

I sprang to the airwaves and Boris and he,

I babbled, Gove babbled, we babbled all three.

'Vote leave!' I cried out, though I haven't a clue

As to what happens next, but then neither have you,

Behind sank the markets; I puffed out my chest

As into the chaos we galloped abreast.

We'd banged on forever, but then came the day

Of the great referendum, The People Must Say!

No chance of us winning, of course we'd Remain

Which was perfectly clear if you'd got half a brain.

We'd be 'plucky losers. Their showing was brave'

But we'd do well enough to just terrify Dave!

I'd polished my speeches conceding the vote

Then off to the pub where I'd slake a dry throat!

When the truth slowly dawned that we'd just self-destructed

The buggers – for once – had done just as instructed!

And the three of us then had a furious row

As we each ducked the question – just what happens now?

Then Cameron folded without any fuss

And we'd rattled the EU – so that was a plus,

And Govey's sweet reason and Boris's smirk'll

Be bound to infuriate Angela Merkel!

Our backers come down to Le Pen, Trump and Putin

So clearly it's time to get rough – put the boot in.

Some say that the times need a statesmanlike sign,

But Be Rude to the Foreigner's more in my line.

So it's straight off to Brussels to rant at the yobs

And tell 'em they're useless, had no real jobs.

Some say that's outrageous, the battle's not won,

But who the hell cares? It's really such fun!

I've whipped up the fury, the hate and the bile

With guffaw and insult, chuckle and smile

And what happens next? Well, just wait and see

That's up to the government, not up to me.

And who will come forth with the guts and the grit?

Well that's up to them. I don't give a damn.

Then Govey pops up to our total surprise

He wants to be leader! Well, Boris just cries.

You'd think he'd have learnt he should kick up a fuss

I couldn't believe that he'd be such a wuss.

So, I'll scarper too, I've had a good run

And make up some tripe that my work here is done.

I've acquired some muscle; I'm going to flex it,

And claim all the credit for winning our Brexit.

Oh, I'll dish out the insults, the boos and the jeers,

But you mustn't blame me if it all ends in tears.

I see myself now as Disrupter At Large

The perfect position for Nigel Farage.